Yuuup, I really don’t think my traumas made me “stronger” or “thick-skinned”, but instead I feel like I’m even more fragile than before, sensitive and still just as easy to cry.

Now I struggle to talk or hold conversations because I get exhausted from thinking up of response options and picking the most appropriate ones for the context and gauge the level of sharing to give in personal responses, usually by then there’s already a shift to a different topic or interest, and then my process resets.

It’s hard since letting my mouth run has gotten me into a lot of trouble/getting bullied and sometimes, hurt people.

Then there’s the fun part where since I’m accustomed to unsafe situations/interactions, my nervous system sends signals that I’m unsafe when I’m in safe situations/interactions and I… kinda just lock up since my experiences with feelings of safety is that it’s usually short-lived and something bad is going to drop and I gotta prepare somehow