My old boyfriend died in 2015 (from diabetes) and I’ve been single since then. I also don’t know if I’ll like having sex or not. I am sexually attracted to men/am straight but I don’t know. It’s like the idea of someone doing that to me, I’d find it embarrassing because I’m gross.
If you can question if you’re bad or good, then you’re likely good. A bad person wouldn’t even ask the question.
With that said it sounds like you likely have Major Depressive Disorder along with feelings of some guilt over the partner you’ve lost. My suggestion as a former psychiatrist, is you speak to your general physician, request a referral to see a therapist asap.
In the meantime a good doctor will suggest you start a medication like Prozac (but it can take 6 months to take effect and there’s alternatives like Celexa, Zoloft, Cymbalta). And all I can suggest try getting outside more and get some vitamin B, even if it means sitting in your backyard and reading a book for 5 minutes.
Also, the next time these thoughts come up, try practicing controlling your breathing. These thoughts are common now, so you need to try reasoning with that part of yourself, assert yourself over your negative thoughts and calmly remind yourself; you are in control. You can still make changes and it’s never too late for a second or even third chance.
Could it be vitamin D from the sun?
Both vitamin B & D are linked with depression when levels are low, but my phone must’ve assumed I only meant B and omitted the D. -__-’ AI isn’t always helpful lol. But yes, a few minutes of sun each day can help a lot. Otherwise vitamins are a good way to supplement the two.