I feel the same way about it. There was a time when reddit, at least large parts of it, was a fairly decent place. That gradually changed, for a lot of different reason, until it became the mess it is now.
Lemmy feels more like the early reddit, before everyone gave up on real interactions and basic civility. We have our own problems, but the decentralized model tends to work in our favor instead of against us. Any given community, or even site, can still go to hell if the participants want it to and the moderators/admins allow it. The difference is that other communities and sites are not automatically dragged down along with it.
I think it also helps that a lot of the folks here have seen things go wrong, on reddit and elsewhere, and want to do better. There is a world of difference between skepticism and cynicism. So far, we seem to be mostly coming down on the right side of that. It’s amazing how much better things are when you treat others as human beings and don’t assume that nothing really matters.
The fact that you’re asking the question means you’ve made a lot of progress already. Give yourself real credit for wanting to be a better person. A lot of people don’t ever reach that point.
I’m working on the same things myself and I don’t think there are any simple or complete solutions. All you can do is keep in mind where you want to be, look at where you are, and try to get a little closer all the time.
You can’t control how you feel, but you can control what you do about it. Don’t act on your anger. Treat everyone as if they are a decent person, even if you don’t really think they are. You don’t have to enable them or accept the destructive things they do, but show kindness when you can and show sorrow, instead of anger, when you can’t.
Do this for yourself. Even if nothing else changes, it will change you. And over time, it will have a positive effect on other people, even if you often won’t know.