That I wasn’t worthy.
So many, I feel like growing up is learning that half of the ideas you had about life are lies put into your mind by society and pop culture, and each lie has it’s own time where you start to realise it’s a lie, but you tell it to yourself in hopes that it will go back to be real…
Lies like “Love prevails”, “Working hard pays off”, “Women now have equal rights”, etc.
I sometimes feel overwhelmed by how sad the world I know is from the world I believed in.
That I was happy in my relationship and workplace
Dad was the bad parent, therefore mum was the good one
Main one is telling myself relationships can work when they just can’t. I’ve learned my lesson now!
There’s also little things I’ve been anxious about which I’ve shut down in my head and told myself they’re ok. Avoidance feels so good sometimes it’s hard to fight against!
“I’m fine”
Yep!! Sometimes it’s the only way we can keep our head above water
That the grand design of a human life is to make some sort of massive impact on the world or produce some work of beautiful art that will outlive you.
I grew up with a family of artists, so that plus college instilled that mindset. All it did was instill existential dread and turn me into such a perfectionist that I stopped writing outside of my job and quit playing music for years.
I’m also reminding myself that all I really owe the world is to not make it a worse place and not to hurt anyone. I want to do right by my friends, family and cats, and be kind to others. Maybe I want to volunteer somewhere if I find something I intrinsically enjoy doing. But nothing I do will ever change the world; as an individual, I will never be able to change things in culture and society I don’t like. Someday I will be forgotten to time, and that’s okay.
when I think enough about it, I can start to think everything I tell myself is a lie
