Im wondering if this is a common adhd thing.
For example, I have always wanted to program, but I can’t let myself start with some easy gui building block code. I need to understand how the code is interacting with the computer itself and know how they did it in the 80s. Then of course it’s too hard for me and I give up.
Or if im making music, I need to do everything from scratch the hard way, making it as hard as possible (and killing any creative effort i had in the beginning).
It’s the same with anything. I can’t progress if I dont know the absolute reason why something is being done. And if I do it the easy way, I didn’t do it right and took shortcuts so it was worthless.
I am this way completely. If I don’t fully understand all the details of something, I have no chance of remembering it. Elementary math classes were difficult in college because they infrequently included formal proofs, but as I progressed into more advanced courses I found I really loved math. The formal proofs made the difference. I need to be convinced that something is true; I can’t simply take it at face value.
