I’ll start. I’m a 37-year-old woman, and I’ve always been indifferent about having children. I love peace and quiet, but at the same time, I wouldn’t mind having kids if my partner really wanted them.
I’ve been with my husband for 13 years now and married for 11. I’m his second (and final) wife. He has three kids with his first wife. She was supportive of him taking a second wife, with just one request: no more children. That solidified my decision not to have kids.
No. Because:
I wouldn’t sign someone up for adopt-a-highway without informing them, as that would be unethical. So why would I sign someone up for a responsibility ten thousand times greater without being able to ask first?
Yes.
I was never a “kid person” growing up. I didn’t relate to children and didn’t have much experience with them, but I always saw having a family as the natural path in life. Just like dating leads to marriage, I saw kids as the next chapter after marriage. When I really think about why I wanted kids, it comes down to two main reasons.
First, the experience itself seemed undeniably compelling. I’m introverted and not naturally a risk-taker, but I’ve learned over time that it’s important to challenge yourself and embrace growth. The last thing I want is a life that feels stagnant or boring. Skipping out on something as profound as raising kids felt like missing out on a major part of life.
Second, my wife is incredible. The idea of taking on the adventure of parenting with her felt both exciting and deeply meaningful. It’s intimate, difficult, fun, scary, and rewarding — and I couldn’t imagine a better partner to share that with.
Now, fast-forward to the present: we have three teenagers, and we’ve genuinely loved raising them. I’m not looking forward to the quiet days after they head off to college — the energy and fullness of having kids around has been one of the best parts of our lives and I’ll miss it when they’ve gone on to start their own independent lives.
Wait - is she his ex, or are you married to both of them? If you are all one family, I do understand, that sort of makes sense not to make 3 more and end up with a family of 9 people.
If she is his ex, what the actual fuck?
Why should his ex have a say?
It sorta sounds like she passed away, but could also not be that. I dunno.
No, I don’t really enjoy life and never really have. I don’t want another person experiencing what I do.
It is abusive to bring children into the world as it is now.
Either we make a better place for them, or give them the peace of never having being born.
No. Not even close to financially stable as a college student in his mid-20s.
Also, if I did want kids, I think I’d rather adopt than bring a child into a world that is dying and end up not being able to ensure they have a future that doesn’t end in apocalypse.
I grew up in a cult where the expectation was that I’d get married and have multiple children. Luckily my own parents somehow managed to raise me right in spite of the indoctrination, and when I went to college I realized both that I could choose and that I didn’t want kids.
After my partner and I had been together for 15 years or so, we started seriously rethinking being child free. It was something we decided to do together. My kid is now about to turn 9. I adore him and love spending time with him. I still don’t much like other children and I never considered going through pregnancy again. My partner and I have talked about potentially fostering or adopting if we manage to retire early, but I’m content either way.
45m I knew from a very early age that i never wanted to be a father. I have always been very upfront about it with my partners and it has ended one relationship. She found out that she did grew, after two years of being in a relationship, to have a child wish. And I could have at that time become a dad, and im sure i would be great at it, but im very happy that never happened. I got my vasectomy soon after that, i was around 30. Just to make sure there were never any accidents.
For the question of why… I don’t know. I’ve tried to analyse it but i can’t give a deeper reason than feeling a deep aversion. I have a good relation with my parents, had a decent childhood and i love my nephews dearly. I like children and i don’t mind being around them. I don’t particularly care for anti child propaganda either.
My partner and i are living a child free life. She also has zero interest in having children of our own.
As fucked up as his ex wife’s request may be, if you’re indifferent that’s reason enough not to.
I don’t want kids. I can’t even take good enough care of myself and basic household upkeep. Adding the stress and cost and limitations that come with having a kid are just non-starters. That and I just don’t feel any need or want in the first place.
That said, if I could actually have a real biological child with my same-sex husband and the question wasn’t purely hypothetical, I’d have to think about it some more.
Or maybe if the universe threw a homeless queer teen at us who had nowhere else to go, maybe I’d consider adopting, maybe. But adopting an actual child or infant is a real tough sell, even if I would ideologically prefer that to having an actual biologically hacked together two-dads kid
43 male, have 3 kids. They’re a ton of work but they’re also incredibly rewarding. The house is full of love and joy constantly. I can’t imagine life without them (and my wife) and I wouldn’t want to live in it if they were no longer here. That’s how much of an impact they have on you.
That’s said, totally respect you not wanting them. They’re one of the biggest sacrifices and commitments.
No but mine is 23 and I feel it’s too late to tell her.
My first kid is almost 3 and we have another on the way. It is so fucking draining and so fucking awesome. My wife and I joke about what the hell we did in our free time before our daughter. We both have careers and hobbies so it’s not like we were bored, but it is so much fucking fun having a kid. We would definitely kill for some more free time, but highly recommend it. Also, if you decide to have kids, it’s not very difficult, it’s just a lot of work.
Kids fill you to the brim with love, and drain you of everything else.
No, I don’t think I can be on-call 24/7 for years
I was supposed to be childfree. I have c-ptsd from childhood, like my guardian did prison time for how bad of a parent they were.
Of course, I had no support from family as a young adult and found myself in a DV situation at 23. He never hit me, but did all the other standard abusive things. I tried leaving him around the three month mark, but it took me 3 years.
He was hell bent on having a baby. He wouldn’t let me on birth control, nor could I afford it anyway, so we used the oull out method. Until he’d pin me down and just, rape me. My son is my third pregnancy. The first two I was able to discreetly taken care of, by the third pregnancy from this man in a year, I felt guilt, and didnt have the freedom to even go to the doctors on my own. So I kept him.
Got free for real when my son was 14 months old. I dont deal with his father at all. No child support, once he lost control of me it was apparent he wanted nothing to do with the baby he had to have so badly.
My son is 12, with severe adhd and odd, mild conduct disorder.
Ive dedicated my life (giving up my career) to helping my son navigate his emotions and express them in a healthy way so we don’t repeat the patterns of, nearly every male in my and his bloodline. I’m thankful for the behaviorial health field of study.
Sometimes I feel like my kid’s father still has me trapped, especially on bad days. I wont discuss what regrets I have, we just move forward and do better tomorrow than today.
I sure as fuck am not abandoning my kid to the wolves as my family did to me. I wanted to break the cycle the easy way and just not habe kids, instead, I’m doing it the hard way and idk. Im doing it. I love my kid, hes a good kid.
You’re an amazing mother!
