“Hey, lets’s meet at place for a coffee and chat.I’d like to know you better.”
If she declines, move on.
If she talks like this, walk away, she’s not looking for personality and isn’t worth the effort.
They’re working. I’d consider it to be a good sign they are even responding while at work.
I’m not sure this person Chloe is working while they’re talking, just that is what they’re doing in general in Noosa or whatever it said.
Edit: Fraser Island, not Noosa, sorry.
Chloe isn’t that into you, take. The. Hint.
I got matched with a girl on Tinder and I started the convo. All I got were one line answers like “yup”, “nope”, “haha”. Then we matched again on a different dating app. I chatted to her again but she never responded.
I get that dating apps can be daunting for many people, but we matched twice so clearly we are into each other. But really, make more effort than just giving one line responses or being matched again and not replying. That experience was more annoying than being ghosted or never getting any matches at all.
Tbh I would attribute this to someone just having poor literacy. Many people have a surprisingly serious struggle with reading or writing. If you ever have had to listen to an adult read something aloud, when they aren’t someone who does a lot of reading for work? Slow, choppy, awkward, wrong inflection. You can tell they’re literally taking it one word at a time, they aren’t scanning the sentence ahead while reading. They do it word by word, storing each word in their mental RAM, and then discover the meaning of the sentence only at the end by reviewing that buffer. Then they pause as they internalize it and repeat the process. It’s an exquisitely painful thing to watch. A LOT more people read like this than literate people think.
‘You’re not getting good matches because people are illiterate.’ Has to be a new one. Maybe. But also take a look at yourself and your conversation skills. Maybe everyone is illiterate, or maybe that person wasn’t that into you, or maybe you’re not that interesting to talk to, or maybe it should wasn’t a good day for them.
But nah. It must be everyone is illiterate.
Yeah there are definitely many, many other reasons for someone giving curt responses. But if they’ve signaled that they’re into you, and still talk that way, I would suspect that they may just be a bad communicator. But yes lol I definitely don’t want to make it sound like the conversation in the OP is about the person being illiterate. Indeed, the OP image clearly reads to me as Chloe just being busy or uninterested, or many other explanations (but not being a spoiled evil bitch as so many commenters here seem desperate to find reasons for)
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but over half of American adults can’t read above middle school level.
‘You’re not getting good matches because people are illiterate.’
In this day & age, I’ll believe it. Have you seen the reading instruction recent generations got not too long ago? It was shit based on crackpot pedagogy theory that flat out ignored & resisted decades of scientific research on literacy. The failure was widely reported.
Nowadays, some students are never taught to read & write, and the school system will push them through with bullshit IEPs instead of correcting the problem & teaching them.
I’ve got another one: typing on a touch screen is pure industrial strength genital cancer, so of course people do as little of that as they can.
I mean, it’s good to find that out before you let somebody like that in your life, that comes with all kinds of financial and legal risks.
reading out loud is different though, I read pretty fast normally but when I have to read out loud I feel like I have to slow down my reading to match my speaking leading to me skipping/rereading words
The genuine advice I can give around this to you, or anyone else reading this is to read this for what it is. She may be busy, if she’s interested, she’ll message later. But it is also very possible she just wants someone to give her attention, and beating yourself up over someone being inconsiderate towards you. If she’s interested, she’ll talk, fighting or begging for someone who won’t fight back for you isn’t taking care of yourself.
Oh yeah, I am not beating myself for it. I know it’s on her. There are plenty of fishes in the sea, but some folks hold on to one person they barely even know. I have chatted and dated other girls after and had better time. I just thought it was a weird encounter and explained to the person I replied to, that the one word/line responses are genuinely irritating regardless of whatever reasons as to why the person was doing it.
Yeah, no, you’re absolutely right. It’s ok to just complain that people don’t reciprocate in a discussion. It’s annoying and when I’m dictator, it will be punishable by fine or imprisonment.
yup
If this is tinder or similar, she should unmatch.
If it’s just regular messaging, yeah the guy should back off.
Also she’s working! And it sounds like she works at a restaurant. Like, oh sorry let me just stop bussing these tables for a second to talk to this smartass I barely know and maybe get fired?
Then, say so. “Hey, I’m working. I really want to chat up with you but I’m currently busy. I’ll hit you up during my break.”
There, crisis adverted by the power of actually being communicative.
Am I missing something? Why would she need to reply immediately? Can’t she just wait until she’s off the clock?
depends if the platform has read receipts
But what if, because I’m working, I don’t have time to type all that out? But rather than completely ignoring the message, I try to give what answer I can? Have you never worked a job busy enough that you don’t have time to send full sentence texts? In the food industry it’s quite common, especially if she actually works on the kitchen staff.
Also, the crisis could also be averted by the other person not feeling entitled to getting “good enough” responses. Do you owe people a response that is up to their standards? Certainly not when you’re so unfamiliar with someone that they don’t even know what job you do. To my friends or family, sure…but I would also expect them to understand me giving out curt messages if I’m busy too.
Sorry. Working.
I mean, this proves nothing to me because I find this a perfectly acceptable response lol
“Sorry, working” is a completely acceptable response. It sets up the idea that you’re still interested in communicating, but can’t right now.
If you don’t have time to make a quick message like that, then don’t answer right now. Wait until you’re on break or off work and then pick up the conversation. An answer that raises more questions than it answers is just frustrating for all parties involved, you included since you get more questions :P
(Realized while looking at this that it sounds like I’m addressing this to you specifically. I’m not. I’m just sharing my thoughts on how to communicate that one’s at work in general, so sorry if it comes across as accusatory)
I read “what are you doing on such and such island?” “Working” to mean work is what brought her to the area, not that she is currently on the clock. I could be completely wrong because Chloe seems to have the communication skills of a 2002 Honda Civic. “It just says ‘Check Engine.’”
As for owing people responses…that seems to be the wrongheaded question. She installed the app on her phone, created an account, filled out a profile, and swiped right on this guy…for what purpose?
There was nothing to indicate she was working. He was asking what she was doing on Fraser Island, not what she was doing right then.
Food and beverage for thought, babe.
My man, you’re on tinder - show some understanding. She’s multitasking talking with 132 other men at the same time, looking for the most immaculate guy there is. I’d be talking like a brick wall either if I was getting the level of attention she is!
Not sure if you’re being entirely serious, but I do find it funny when people (often women in this context) self sabotage like this. By half assing 20 conversations, some number of good matches will bounce because you look like a boring person who can’t converse. You’re more likely to end up with someone who doesn’t care about your words, and then will probably treat you badly.
I like to imagine a girl sitting on a bar stool in the middle of a bar full of men, slowly giving one word answers to the questions the men yell out like a press corps.
Which in a bar setting would make sense. Not everyone wants to be hit on just because they’ve gone out.
This person, is on tinder. They’re literally in the place you go if you want to hit on people / get hit on.
“Why can’t men just leave me alone” she ponders, on Tinder
Hilarious image
Now picture her as a monkey!
Now picture the bar on a cruise ship!
Perhaps there is a reason these people are single.
This man Chloe’s.
This Chloe mans
More likely a bot. There are a lot of those on Tinder.
why go through bot trouble on tinde when I can. have myself a beautiful LLM gf that tells me everything I want to hear
because of the investment opportunities. the waifu LLM is not (yet) a gateway into crypto ;D
immaculate
Least rapey. Most likely to actually want to know her as a person. Someone who likes women.
Very high standard. Not many meet it.
Just remember guys: if you don’t want to hang out with them on their favorite shopping trip, or listen to gossip about their work frenemy, or include them on your favorite hobby, then it’s ok to just be single. Not everyone likes women. Find one you actually like spending lots of time with, or just hang out with your bros instead. All are good options.
What you don’t want to do is pretend you’re having a good time, then get married and be miserable for the rest of your life because you don’t actually like them. That’s boomer shit.
There are also many girls who do not care about shopping trips, gossip, work drama, and have hobbies of their own that you can be included in. Women are not intrinsically much different from men. Social conditioning is more than powerful enough to override whatever slight biological inclinations there may be. If you date normies, sure you’ll get people who fit the gender norms of the culture you’re dating in. Normies in another country will behave differently. I don’t think it’s good or right to have a mentality of “well if I don’t like hearing about makeup and dresses I guess speaking to women just isn’t for me”.
That’s… My point I think? You need to like the person.
Least rapey. Most likely to actually want to know her as a person. Someone who likes women. Very high standard. Not many meet it.
Oh yeah, you better don’t go advising shit after that intro next time.
Very high standard. Not many meet it.
Sarcasm truly is dead, isn’t it.
Wait, so you were serious about the rest of the quote? That makes it even more misandrist.
Many men don’t like women as people. That’s not even a controversial thing to say.
Just look how popular the “men and women can’t be friends” view is.
Yes, and that’s a massive issue, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t be concerned about misandria. No tolerance for misoginy and no tolerance for misandria, simple as
This sounds like something a man would say smh
Bro can’t take a hint. Do yourself a favor and don’t insist on talking to someone who isn’t as excited to talk to you as you are with them.
Alternatively, be an adult and tell someone when you’re not interested. Some of us don’t get cues like this. I’d argue most men aren’t able to pick up on basic cues given how many stories there are out there of dudes not being aware they were being flirted with in the most obvious situations.
Yeah, because telling someone you’re not interested can’t go wrong either. Some dudes flip their shit, she gets a pass.
Nope.
This entire thread could serve as report material for lemmy user’s social skills.
Turns out a bunch of tech obsessed middle aged white guys aren’t the most socially adept.
I’ll have you know I’m above middle age
calm down boomer
Okay
Working.
haha
It’s called K’gari
Okay
Rekt
I don’t who that is but it looks like we’d get along. lol
It’s Chloe.
“I deserve more attention than you are giving me right now” ok piss baby, I’ll give my spare attention to someone else
Nope, this is about matching energy and effort when trying to get to know someone. If I’m trying to break the ice and you refuse to meet me in the middle, I’m also going to be blunt, block you, or ghost your lazy ass, depending on the mood that day.
I’ve been on both sides of this, and I still have the decency to shoot back something like “Sorry can’t talk right now, busy at work, I’ll get back to you asap”, and actually follow through. It really doesn’t take any more than 15 seconds, and anything less is a lack of consideration, acting like a prima donna, or a severe lack of social skills.
This exchange is clearly not the beginning of the conversation. Previous messages have been excluded from the snip on purpose.
The replies on the left are exactly how someone unimpressed behaves.
This exchange is clearly not the beginning of the conversation. Previous messages have been excluded from the snip on purpose.
Bruh it’s because it’s a meme. It’s not trying to “AITA” or otherwise seek affirmation for their actions. No Chloes were harmed in the making of this meme.
The replies on the left are exactly how someone unimpressed behaves.
Or someone with no social skills.
Couldn’t possibly be that she’s got better uses of her energy than to engage all the pushy guys that text her all the time amirite
If said guy is asking about what she does for work, that means they don’t know each other very well.
Just tell them you’re not interested or ghost them if you don’t want to engage? They’re most likely not in your personal life and are just on a dating app if they don’t even know what you do.
Why are so many commenters so comfortable pushing all responsibility onto the woman? Can you not imagine how draining it would be to have to engage like that with hundreds of milquetoast males every week
Chloe is a milquetoast female.
Why are so many commenters so comfortable pushing all responsibility onto the woman?
They are on a platform for communicating. She is communicating poorly.
Can you not imagine how draining it would be to have to engage like that with hundreds of milquetoast males every week
She typed 6 words. It would’ve been less work to disengage by saying “not interested, sorry” - 3 words. It would’ve been far less work to just ghost them.
Males
Oh boy, what’s the impression we get when a guy calls women “females” when talking about dating? It’s not good, but it does provide more context to your comments.
Which then begs the question, why would they keep replying? Why would someone uninterested drag this on for so long for the other person to point it out? It makes even less sense for online dating where the block button is a staple. This is someone who feels entitled to be impressed without giving back.
You are awfully committed to pushing all of the benefit of the doubt to him and all of the obligation to her. Why do you think that is?
You know that the moment she stops replying, his further comments will be more toxic than the ones in the screenshot.
Sibling in Christ, I am gay. I have no vested interest in whether one is a man or a woman. Their behavior is shitty either way you paint it. Besides, I’ve seen this play out in same-gender scenarios.
his further comments will be more toxic
The block button was specifically made for this.
you’re assuming genders
Show me a man named Chloe or a woman as clueless and pushy as the guy on the right
Are you saying women can’t be as “clueless and pushy” as the person on the right? If anything, based on the dating memes of guys not being socially capable on dates, the fact that they are the one trying to keep up the conversation implies it might be more likely it’s a gal…
I’ve seen this play out between two men and two women. And for that same reason, I had a slip-up because to me it’s not a matter of gender at all. But there, fixed, the point still stands.
You think the conversation is real?.. I got a bridge to sell you btw
People are treating it like it’s a common sort of exchange. Whether this exact dialogue is fabricated or not doesn’t matter.
Ok
Broke the secret forth rule of tinder: don’t be boring. OOP (assuming OOP even exists, which I doubt) is asking information-sharing, interview-style questions. She’s putting the same amount of effort into her answers as OOP is putting into his questions.
No, no she is not.
She is giving mostly one word answers.
At no point does she attempt anything like a ‘yes, and’ into her own questions.
She does not take the time to give a more elaborate, multi sentence response, that includes maybe some more context or details.
…
Could the dude be asking more interesting questions?
Yes.
Could she be giving more boring answers?
No, unless you just count blocking/ghosting as ‘answers’.
…
The dude is correctly sensing that she is extremely not interested in this, because she is diplaying no signs of interest, and the dude is stating this, by telling her that she is not engaged in the conversation…
And by using a bit of an analogy to do so, he is actually demonstrating some creativity, a bit of wit, though it is a bit pointed toward her.
I agree but am confused by one thing: Why did he start off with “nice chat”?
I have two guesses, maybe kinda 3:
1 - Could be the tail end, a most recent part of a longer chat log.
2 - Could be that it just was a kind of dickish, awkward way to start a convo…
but…
2.5 - If this is from something like Hinge, if I am not mistaken, the entire concept is… or… was?
… that women actually have to send the first message after matching, or at the very least, them clicking ‘accept’ on a guy, automatically opens the chat.
So it could be something like that, and this guy could be like… ok… she matched with me… the whole point is she is supposed to make the first move… and then he is sarcastically remarking ‘nice chat’ as a reference to her technically having started this convo, and … then just not said anything, for presumably some amount of time.
…
I really do not know at all, as is is often the case with screen caps like this, we are likely missing a lot of potentially very important context.
The length of a message doesn’t imply the amount of thought that went into it. These are extremely boring, ho-hum questions which required no thought or creativity. In a very balanced way, we can understand that no-effort initiations will result in no-effort responses.
Also, sorry to break it to you - but heteronormative dating creates gender roles. Women get propositioned, men do the propositioning. Women get lots of bad options handed to them and must filter, men must go out and create their options by creating engaging interactions. After you clear the looks barrier, there are two questions on a girl’s mind - “is he safe?” and “is he fun?” There isn’t a whole lot you can do to display safety (other than not throwing a temper tantrum) - but as a guy, when you are messaging, your whole job is to be fun. OOP is completely failing to hold up his end of the heteronormative dating bargin. OOP’s match is actually doing quite a bit of charity work by replying at all, in the hopes that he musters up the wherewithall to just say literally anything interesting.
The length of a message doesn’t imply the amount of thought that went into it.
Thats horseshit and you know it, come on.
These are extremely boring, ho-hum questions which required no thought or creativity.
Again, yes, they are basic, not very creative questions.
But they could be so much worse.
‘Hey’
‘Sup’
‘Whatcha up to?’
… at least the questions this guy is asking indicate he has actually read her profile.
In a very balanced way, we can understand that no-effort initiations will result in no-effort responses.
No, she is putting in even less effort.
…
As to your entire second paragraph:
Ah, yes, heteronormativity exists, therefore we should all just keep doing that.
Its the mans job to perform safe masculinity by being entertaining!
Be genuine?
No! Bad!
Be more flirty and fun than you normally are, that certainly won’t set any false expectations!
… Your prescribed approach here, from or for both sexes/cisgenders, is generally going to create failed chat logs with one or another person blocking or ghosting the other, in all cases other than ‘the man is a total pushover simp’, which uh, most heteronormative women find disgusting, in terms of their view toward such a person, they won’t respect him at all and will come to despise him or at the very least become very bored and unsatisfied.
So you promoting a strategy that will not work well at all for heteronormatives, and your reasoning underlying why this must be the paradigm is that heteronormativity exists and is mainstream.
This is a self defeating and contradicting total concept.
In the medium to long run, it doesn’t work for heteronormatives, or anyone else, as a widely normalized… norm of how dating app chats should work.
The only thing it even kind of works for is basically flings, short term relationships, and most of those will become confused and unstable ‘situationships’.
This is a terrible paradigm for anyone looking for a longer term partner.
could be so much worse.
at leastIf your defence is that these questions are better than literally the worst possible messages one can send, I got news for you - “not the worst” isn’t good enough, lol. Like, would you go to a restaurant that billed itself as “second worst in town?”
Ah, yes, heteronormativity exists, therefore we should all just keep doing that.
I mean, you can do whatever you want. If you want to try to end heteronormative gender roles, go right ahead. But if you wanna, yaknow, go on dates - accept that the world is the way it is and start doing what is necessary in order to get what you want. Ie, don’t be boring.
Be genuine?
No! Bad!I said be interesting. Not don’t be genuine. You can be - get this - genuinely interesting.
Be more flirty and fun than you normally are, that certainly won’t set any false expectations!
Become a more fun and flirty person in general if this feels like you can’t live up to the image you need to present. Honestly, why would you not want to be a fun person who turns their partner on?
a strategy that will not work well
Works great for me, idk what to tell ya. I’m a nonmonogamous cis het guy dating multiple women, and about half my leads come from online.
The only thing it even kind of works for is basically flings, short term relationships, and most of those will become confused and unstable ‘situationships’.
People looking for ling term partners want to not be bored also. And the OOP is from tinder - the hookup app.
Ah yes, a guy who doesn’t have fun questions is “second worst.” We can assume murderers are “the worst,” so the list so far is:
Worst - Murderer Second worst - Boring questioner Third worst - Probably rapist I guess Fourth worst - Domestic Violencer? Fifth worst - Disney adult Yadda yadda yadda Second best - Pedro Pascal Best - MeAccurate
If your defence is that these questions are better than literally the worst possible messages one can send, I got news for you - “not the worst” isn’t good enough, lol
You said:
She’s putting the same amount of effort into her answers as OOP is putting into his questions.
I said, no, she is putting in less effort.
You are changing the goalposts, or, you just simply do not have equivalent standards you judge men and women by.
Like, would you go to a restaurant that billed itself as “second worst in town?”
If the choice was between that and the actual worst restaurant in town… yes, duh?
I mean, you can do whatever you want. If you want to try to end heteronormative gender roles, go right ahead. But if you wanna, yaknow, go on dates - accept that the world is the way it is and start doing what is necessary in order to get what you want. Ie, don’t be boring.
More completely contradictory, self-defeating nonsense.
I mean, the way you phrased this literally juxtaposes ‘end heteronormativity’ and ‘go on dates’ as two opposing things that … hilariously, are a binary choice, you can only do one or the other.
You are clearly only interested in one of these things.
I said be interesting. Not don’t be genuine. You can be - get this - genuinely interesting.
And this is why other people are calling you entitled and gross.
Get this - most people are really not that genuienly interesting.
Many just think they are, when they’re not.
In fact, the ‘impress me’ attitude is very stereotypical of someone who is rather basic.
Become a more fun and flirty person in general if this feels like you can’t live up to the image you need to present. Honestly, why would you not want to be a fun person who turns their partner on.
… So for starters, this really is all just ‘man perform for woman’ in your eyes, ie, extremely old fashioned heteronormative.
Some women don’t like this, and prefer a more genuine, slow roll conversation, maybe they are shy or nervous and prefer to build up to things slowly, establish some basics first.
Some women get tired of people performing for them and just want to have a real, on the level human conversation about just really anything.
(Literally all the long term relationships I’ve had via meeting online or via a dating app or website began this way)
I could go on, but the second big problem with this is… you are just assuming all other women want what you seem to think they all want.
A lot of women do not want to be impressed in a performative way because they have enough experience to know that that is an act, its a gimmick, that will one day fade, and they are looking for something that will not fade.
You have an extremely superficial view of relationships, one that is built around appearances and performances instead of being two people who can be themselves around each other and mostly effortlessly just gel, vibe, click.
You use the language of a gender critical person, but you use it to promote extremely stereotypical male peacocking.
This ain’t gonna work for heteros seeking anything beyond a fling, and it ain’t gonna work for anyone who isn’t atttacted to hetero male peacocking.
Works great for me, idk what to tell ya. I’m a nonmonogamous cis het guy dating multiple women, and about half my leads come from online.
Great, I’m glad you’re a polyamorous dudebrochad in a bunch of simultaneous situationships, anyway, what I said was this is a terrible strategy for:
Heteronormative medium to long term relationship, ie, traditional monogamy, as well as anyone who isn’t interested in performative men.
People looking for ling term partners want to not be bored also.
Apparently you would be surprised.
Its quite common for people seeking any kind of long term relationship to value stability over excitement, mutual enjoyment and true compatibility that does not constantly require a large amount of performative effort.
And the OOP is from tinder - the hookup app.
I mean, ok?
I have already made clear with the specifics of what I have previously written that I am talking about dating norms and culture more generally than just short term hookups.
… Also, I’ve met and had multi year relationships from women (trans inclusive) I’ve met on tinder…so… yeah tinder is obviously more geared toward flings, but its definitely possible to use it to establish longer relationships than that.
This is gross and entitled.
Why?
As a het male, I did that when I was younger and indeed it worked, but as I got older I didn’t want to set such a precedent for a relationship. If a woman expects me to entertain her like a puppy then I filter her out (or she filters me, it doesn’t matter who gets the credit).
Nowadays I get playful only if the woman seems worthwhile. Hormones alone do not inspire me.
True compatibility is a rarity, however Tinder is just for fooling around AFAIK and for people who use sex to get to know someone (rather than vice versa). I might be wrong since I don’t use it.
Older fellers: can any of you relate? Do any older women feel the same?
Legitimate strategy
Surely people love you, right? Since you seem to have men and women all figured out with your big brain.
No, people love me because I’m lovable.
Damn and you’re a great reader too.
In fact I am! Thanks for the compliments, babe 😘
Charity work lol, enjoy being forever alone and not engaging in real human relationships.
Or they’re at work…
‘hey sorry at work, will chat later!’
not that hard.
EDIT:
or, if you are too busy to respond… don’t respond at that momemt.
Stop sending texts are they said working. Not that hard.
Stop sending texts are they said working. Not that hard.
… What?
That doesn’t even parse as an intelligible sentence.
Has anyone really been far even as decided to use even go want to do look more like?
… maybe… ?
lol
Absolutely. Are all it’s like see isn’t not inviting or anything.
… m y b r a i n …
Aren’t those types of questions how you get to know people? What are you saying is expected instead? I’ve been married since before tinder was a thing
Many people have a poor understanding of human communication and say things like “I don’t do small talk”. They don’t seem to understand that you use small talk (eg: what did you do this weekend?) to launch into more personal talk (eg: “I saw this doom metal band The Well play at so-and-so bar. So good! Do you like metal?”)
Sometimes people do like the grey text here and answer small talk questions in short, dead end, ways, and unless you’re trying to kill the conversation that’s probably self sabotage.
Yeah, maybe this is just an old guy who’s been married for a while’s opinion, but I don’t think you need some mind blowing questions to get to know someone. You can start off with “what are you doing around here” and then look for connections to build up on
As someone who also never had to deal with apps, I believe they have to be creative just to stand out. For most of these people, this is all this generation has used, and being mundane and boring is just 1 of like 10 things guys have to pass just to possibly get a date these days. Honestly, I wouldn’t know what to do if I had to use an app because I couldn’t handle being rejected 100 times without ever even knowing why.
I’ve seen a few YouTube videos where guys tried an experiment. They had a girl they knew try using a fake setup profile where the guy even looks very good and see how many dates a woman can get using it over either a few weeks or a month. By the end, all the women had a way more sympathetic towards what men have to go through. The number of times just being ghosted mid conversation was staggering, and even they were confused as to why it happened so frequently.
Yeah, these strike me as “opening” questions. You ask easy, inoffensive, open-ended questions to get some information to start building an actual conversation around. I’d generally read the terse, information-poor responses as a lack of interest in a conversation.
You’re on a dating app. You’re supposed to be fun and flirty.
How do you know what someone will find fun and flirty as opposed to creepy and desperate if you don’t know anything about them?
depends on how well you follow the first two rules
You don’t. Trying anyway and risking being a creep is what will make some women hate you and others love you. This is how assortative matching works. But if everything you say is inoffensive to everyone, then you will always be boring and will therefore never line up dates.
Like, this is Lemmy, so I’ll use this example. If you put the fact that you are a communist in your datinf profile, the vast majority of women will think that is super cringy edgelord shit, and you’re an idiot. (And I cannot overstate this - the vast, vast majority of women). But some women will think “omg, yesss!!! Finally a guy who gets it!!”.
Similarly, if you put “Looking for someone to tie up in the bedroom”, some women (fewer than the number who think communism is cringe, though) will call you a psycho rapist. But the rope bunnies out there will think “omg, yessss!!! Tie me up, daddy!!”
I see most profiles trying to be all things to all people.
You describe “success” well. When I was younger I played the game of averages. If nine girls thought I was a creep but the tenth was impressed that was fine. I would get a phone number most nights which resulted in a date.
But eventually this felt degrading for all concerned (especially for the nine) and it wasn’t leading to high quality dates. I finally saw simply getting laid as an inane goal.
No you’re supposed to be yourself.
lol
No, this is genuinely correct. I guess if all you care about is getting laid it might be a detriment
Being yourself is the only way anything will ever work out long term. A relationship started by pretending to be someone else isn’t sustainable. If being yourself doesn’t let you click with anyone at all, maybe go see a therapist and work on yourself.
If being yourself doesn’t let you click with anyone at all, maybe go see a therapist and work on yourself.
Or focus on getting love from community rather than romance. Our culture unfortunately only focuses on the latter because it drives the economy.
I mean, my lol was tongue in cheek. Of course, you should be genuine. But if you are genuinely a boring person, you should put effort into becoming a more interesting person. Then you can be both genuine and interesting.
Or you might be wanting to find someone with compatible interests. OK probably not on Tinder.
On hinge, there was a pre-baked question “what is your most irrational fear”, and if you messaged them saying it was actually rational… 100% response rate, maybe 80% go on a first date rate?
i don’t know what it was about that, but if you gas them up on that instead of agreeing that it’s irrational… People lloovvee it.
I’m old and married now, but I really wish I’d kept a careful data set on that. Entirely thesis worthy.
People like being told they are not irrational.
Its a compliment.
It is validating.
Thesis worthy?
Ehhhhh…
Dating science gets clicks and that’s just valuable these days.
Whether it’s actual science depends on the people doing the study and may not be recognized by clicks.
I mean, I’ve been reading dating science stuff since OkCupid started writing their first blog posts going into it…
So on the one hand, maybe I’m just more familiar and thus less easily impressed…
… But on the other hand… that would then also be the case for any academics looking to write any kind of novel thesis, and usually a thesis has to be at least decently novel to stand up to committee review.
I think clustered groupings of various non-sexual openings would be interesting just intrinsically.
My point is that this particular case, specifically relating to fears, I suspect still would wildly outperform similar “you’re not crazy to think X” conversation starters.
Might be just that fears is intrinsically low-stakes?
it’s bad to be boring, but revenge-boring is okay lol
I mean, you can do whatever you want. This isn’t a moral inquisition. But if you want girls to actually go on dates with you…
the boring ones? I’m good. I am with someone who wasn’t boring like that. glad I moved on from the ones who were.
